It was the spring of 1990 and the annual ASB commencement was under way. Everyone was excited because we all had such a great time together. Commencement canoe trips were typically “Anything Goes”, the goal was to get trashed and bond with all the brothers.

Well, things were rolling along and we had been knock´m back pretty much all day when we finally arrived at our camp spot. This was a fun time because shortly after pulling the canoe to shore we quickly grabbed shovels and searched for the time capsule which was buried from the year before. In these time capsules were things such as ASB t-shirts, Busch beer, trophys and whatever else. It was always an honor to be able to chug the beer from the time capsule and that year the lucky guy was Kevin Wallace. Kevin had been drinking quite a bit that day and was probably about 3 hours ahead of everyone else. He was celebrating his victory as “Frat Wuss” which he won on the bus ride up river before the canoe trip.

Nightfall was in and tension had been building between and Kevin and a fairly untolerate Mike Scott. They had been exchanging words throughout the course of the day and by nightfall Kevin´s negotiating skills were not at an all time high. As we all sat around the fire Kevin was ranting and raving how we were all just a bunch of ignorant Yankees who could care less for our country and on and on. He said “I would die for the south!” which was serious by him yet couldn´t be funnier to anyone else. Mike, who was sitting on the other side on the fire didn´t see the amusement that we all saw in just watching Kevin and his drunken sailer stance around the fire. Kevin was cross eyed, slurring, drooling and staggering like an infant on his third day of walking. Mike decided that he was going to make Kevin shut Up! Wrong, as soon as he said something, Kevin came running over and tackled him. They rolled around for a while and than Kevin ran into the woods. It was like a seen out of a Friday the 13th movie. Where did he go? Mike who was known for being a bit full of himself, said he popped him good- with a smile on his face. We were concerned about where Kevin was because he could of registered a 5.3 on a State Trooper alcohol test and was lost in the woods. None of us were sober to enough to organize a search party to find him so we did what any other drunken frat brother would have done.- We all talked about how funny he looked making a drunken ass of himself.

Man, we were laughing and carrying on when all of a sudden a SCCARRY Drunk and Very bloody Kevin Wallace comes running from the woods yelling: STOP TALKING ABOUT ME!!! At this point we restrained him and put him to bed. It was because of Kevin Wallace that I remember the Canoe trip of 91´. Thanks Kevin!

Ralph Miolla pledge 88

Stories: The Kevin Wallace Classic

on August 10, 2008 by Brett C.

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